It's so fucking hot in here. It's 9:37 Pm, and the air gets turned off about now. The humidity is so high we all just sit and sweat, it's awful. There must be over a hundred people crammed into this dorm. There's a 120 beds in here and almost all are occupied. Since this is a Federal pre-trial detention center we get all the high end criminals. So you're all dying to know - did I get to meet Bernie? Sadly, no. I wish I could shake his hand, he's the King of White Collar Crime these days. I did have the pleasure of meeting John Gotti's brother Vinny, though. It was fun going over the lines from Goodfellas. "You're a funny guy!," I told him. He was like "What? Like how?". I said "You know! How you tell the story." He got a bad cold while he was here, maybe from me, maybe from somebody else. But Vinny was convinced it was me. "Who sent you to get me?", he joked. I told him that I had a poster of his brother John on my wall right up there with Scarface, Al Capone, John Dillinger, Machine Gun Kelly, Ma Barker and her sons. All the fucking greats! Anyway, Vinny was cool but I was taken a back by how short he was, but his personality made him big. There's another mob guy in here but I won't mention him until he gets transferred out.
And now, a helpful household time from a federal prisoner. You ever want to reuse a peanut butter jar? You have to wash the crap out of it to get rid of that horrid peanut smell, Well, homies, have I got a tip for you! You don't have to pre-wash it. Simply wad up a couple of sheets of newspaper, put it in th jar with some COLD water (very critical - COLD water only), put the lid back on it and shake it like a polaroid picture. You may have to do this twice depending on how funky your jar is. It will totally clean, no smell at all, no greasy mess. Next week I'll be giving you the low down on the so called food we are served here. I'm depressed just thinking about it.
